The contractors are late to repair my kitchen, giving me a few moments between pounding and sawing to hear my inner voice. Maybe it’s the rain, but I feel wistful- nostalgic, it always reminds me of home.
As a side note- I must admit, I’ve been hording a couple of Blogs in my inner mind. It’s been a time of Scholarship Auditions, All State Auditions, and Ensemble Auditions. For a month it felt like I was teaching the same lesson every hour. “Count off a bar for nothing, breathe in time, and then start.” And currently an epidemic of cutting notes and air stream with the tongue, students using TOT instead of TAH, seems to be spreading like wildfire.
Today while watching the rainfall outside my window, drinking coffee and reading Vogue, my inner voice had much to say. I was reading an article about Lady Gaga. The author was juxtaposing the high class Lady opposite the innocence of Gaga. My inner dialogue chirped in with- “This is why I create, to make sense of the chaos that is life”– to add the ridiculous to the rules, fun and flare to regulation. Sometimes art is ridiculous but I would rather live in the ridiculous than the pretentious and inaccessible.
The inner voice is a gift- for me it is inexplicable wisdom. When I create the voice is strong and present. It has always appeared while practicing and performing, guiding me through direction of phrases, colors, and textures. Lately it has been guiding me through soft vulnerability in sound and textures- and the Strength in the Vulnerability.
When I began teaching, I was shocked; the voice was as present while teaching as it was in my own personal practice. On thinking back, it is logical- teaching is another form of performance. But just as the inner dialogue would guide me through my creative process- it would answer student questions. Often, my intuition heard the question before it was asked verbally.
Many of the talented artists I have worked with have quit. Often, I have reflected on these artists as more talented and with a greater capacity for greatness than myself. They blame the quitting on finances (always understandable), job market,.. The list goes on and on… I never know what to think.
But I keep listening to the voice- I think it is the sanity that keeps me from falling into the abyss of my own emptiness. It is my connection to something greater than myself.
For all the creative entrepreneurs who are curious where my inspiration for this blog came from: http://www.vogue.com/magazine/article/lady-gaga-our-lady-of-pop/